saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
