I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
even my farts smell like vagina
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
