Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
