So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
