you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
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They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
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As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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