Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
