She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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