oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Two words: nipple clamps
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