the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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