At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
