I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
