I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
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THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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