I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize