I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
