I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
