They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
