We're like a lot better than the average bears
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
