went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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