And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
