You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
