there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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