My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
