Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
