I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
