what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
