stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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