I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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