can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm like, not good at living.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
