It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
