White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
