Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
