i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
