to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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