I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize