I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
