Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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