Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
