i think i have herpe
just one?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
