she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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