Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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