my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
