peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
