between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
