It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
