I wish I only lived at night.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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