When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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