I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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