I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
