This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
