need another drink. this is the easiest way
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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