you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
