my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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