im drinking this country out of the recession.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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