He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
