im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
