addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
