Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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