Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
