my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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