Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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