Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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