Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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