In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
