So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
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bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
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but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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