My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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