went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
