I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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