I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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