Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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